From the Mind of a Unique Kitten

My Dream Wedding Dress

2005-08-31T14:16:00.000-07:00

This is my dream wedding dress, well actually its a lengha. It is just so elegant, and the beadwork is so skillfully done. It takes my breath away.

2005-08-24T22:12:00.000-07:00

This is a pic of a collar/choker I drew. Gold choker with a ruby heart lock, that really works. I put the hole for the key in the center so the heart opens up and the choker comes off that way. And has a matching ruby and gold key, made to look like the old fashioned keys. I put Emerald and Saphire on the side, because not everyone likes Ruby like I do. I'm not sure on the size yet, the gold part would have to be smaller for it to look more fem. and not be so bulky. The heart about quarter size but no bigger than a half dollar. And the key to be whatever size it needs to fit the necklace, and the end of the key that has the ruby on it, to be the same size as the heart on the necklace. The key would be a little harder to make since its a cut out heart, but I don't think its impossible.

2005-08-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

This is my design for a tattoo. The written words of "woman" in different languages that wrap up the leg from the ankle to the outer thigh.

But since I drew it I have been rethinking the whole leg wrap idea. Maybe I will change it to back tatto in a small circle surrounding an orchid. I'm still thinking about it though.

The languages I have chosen are:
Russian* Chinese Thai *
Swahili - Mwanamke *
Irish Gealic - Egbhean *
Hawiian - Wahine
Hebrew - 'Ishshah *
Spanish - Mujer *
French - Madame
German - Dir Vornehme Dame
Hindi - mahiLA or devI
Italian - Donna

I will use either all of these or some of them, depending on how I change the tattoo. My fav are indicated with an * Its not about how they look in the word form, but what each language means to me, what I have associated with them.

2005-08-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

This is a drawing of myself as a mermaid. I dreamed it up and had to draw it. There is a tattoo that runs over the belly button, around the waist and up the back, down each arm and then creates a choker in the front with a lock. The tatto is Irish knotting with flowers added in it.

2005-08-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

Finally, I have got my designs to post. This design is of a swimsuit.

2004-11-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

Just Rest,
Be Still
Your Mine Now,
Kneel

I Shall,
And You'll See
What I Intend To Make Of Thee

Tears A Short Story

2004-11-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

She laid her precious boy down gently in his crib, on crisp fresh sheets. She diminished in her humming and tears ran down her already puffy cheeks. She turned and threw herself across the bed; deep long sobs took her breath away. She turned her head to peer at her son through the polished white slats of his crib. She heard the familiar coo and sigh her son effortlessly breathed in his sleep.
She closed her eyes, "I'm not worthy, I'm such a slut” The thoughts echoed in her mind, "How could anyone love me?" The thoughts raced just as fast as the tears now soaking into her pillow. “How can such a wonderful baby have such a horrible mother?” Her eyes became heavy and she tried desperately to calm her breathing. She struggled within herself to stay quiet and let the thoughts pass. "Surely God will forsake me now. How can God make me a missionary with such mistakes as these?"
A feeling more miserable than the last hung heavy over her as she fitfully drifted into sleep. She tossed and turned, she felt the sea of tears lay between her cheek and the pillow. She clung to the sheets, twisting them around her. Her muscles started to ache with the tension held within them. Her stomach jumped with nausea. She silently pleaded, "Just please go to sleep, I can't take this anymore” With that her eyes closed and she let herself relax into sleep.

She had been drifting for what seemed like days, a sea of tears surrounding her with only her pillow to help her stay afloat. Sleepily she lifted her head and looked about her. Fog and mist was the only thing she could see. The pillow began to sink beneath the waves and deciding not to struggle she slipped under.
A large hand reached down to her and lifted her out of the waves. A calming whisper covered her like a thick blanket, "Be at peace." She felt the grit of sand beneath her, and a warm body next to her. She opened her eyes and felt his hand pull back her hair; she instantly climbed into his lap and began to weep. His arms covered her, he held her gently but with a firm grip. She spoke abruptly between choking back more tears. He silently stroked her hair and rocked her in his arms. Soon all her thoughts, and emotions were spent. She lay there clinging to him, breathing deeply into his chest.
His voice slowly wound their way around her being. Like the roar of a loin and call of a lamb, "My child, let it go." "But God, she replied. "Be still." His voice was not angry but stern in his love. "I am that I am, and I did not create the world for you to limit me with a "but God" She cringed knowing just how true his words were. “I gave my son to make you worthy, he took your place.” She sighed as more thoughts drifted towards her; she wrestled with these thoughts but said nothing.
She felt his chest rumble with a chuckle. “I know your thoughts too, little one. Look!” She raised her head and looked toward the horizon. Steadily moving towards her a cross came into view. “He bore that pain, so there would be no need for you to bear it.” The reality of his words seemed to slap her across the face. Her tears stopped and time slowed. The cross faded away, and imprinted itself on her heart. She sat still on his lap, not daring to turn and face him. She sat drawing his words deep inside her. She spoke where she thought she could barely be heard. “If I let it go, it will all fall apart.” She hung her head; she knew it was the truth of her mind. She expected him to shove her off his lap and walk away. She braced herself and prepared to land back amidst the waves.
She gasped when his arms covered her again. “Trust in me, have faith in me.” New tears streaked down her face, tears of joy and love, adoration and acceptance. “I will follow you anywhere, I leave it all in your lap, I yield.” Quickly she turned and hugged him, placing her ear to his heart. She smiled and felt at peace. She saw the beach and the sea fade away, but his arms still held her in place.

She blinked her eyes softly open; a smile had found its way to her face. She laid there for a moment recounting her dream. “Was it really…? Did I just…?” She stretched out over the bed and gave a deep yawn. She looked out her window while the questioning thoughts roared in her head. The golden warmth of the sun spilled into the room. She felt her face glow from its tender caress. She turned to the look again through the slats in her son’s crib. He was awake playing with his feet, gently rocking the crib. She smiled warmly as her son turned toward her and smiled.
She crept out of bed and up to the white railing of his crib. “There’s my baby boy!” He returned her greeting with a giggle and reached up to her. She gently picked him up and hugged him. She softly sang in his ear, “God is great and his praise fills the Earth, fills the Heavens…” She continued singing and swayed into the living room. She walked up to the window and cooed with her son. “Today is a new day, and a beautiful day it is”

Crying Slut

2004-11-04T22:28:00.000-08:00

What do I say to a slut?
What do I do when you find the slut is you?
How do I look anyone in the face,
knowing how much my life is a disgrace?
How do I deal when my joy is taken away?
What do I say to this man that just appeared one day?
How do I share the awesome things about my son?
How do I keep from crying, when I find out he is the one?
How do I extend my faith, and believe for the best?
When everything now points to "your failing the test"
How do I smile after knowing such pain?
How could my knowing him be any kind of gain?
Why when the year has come and almost gone,
do things still strain to be difficult and long?
How do I regain my strength and hope?
What do I do to cope?
How do I stand for my son's sake?
How do I hide my feelings, when I feel I'm about to break?
Knowing nothing is too big for God,
How do I say be my strength and my rod?
How do I find comfort, when no one understands?
How do I make things whole again, when I sit on sinking sand?

In Bed

2004-07-15T22:48:00.000-07:00

As I lay in my bed,
One thought runs through my head.
A solitary thought of eternity.
"Exactly how long might that be?"
"Will I know how long I'm living it, in heaven?
Or will I be there in the moment to busy to think?"
And with the thought of this my heart began to sink.
"How long will I ba able to praise?
To lift my voice and words be raised?
Will God grow tired of my incesint days?
Will he kick me out,
or require me to stay?"
I tried very hard to think of something else.
But the thought kept creeping back,
with surprising stealth.
"Eternity, how long might that be?"

Ballerina

2004-07-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

Arched feet
Slender legs
Perfect posture
Softly rounded arms
Long elegant neck
A Ballerina

Flowing fabric
Showering roses
Bright lights
Loud applause
Opening Night

Dance of beauty
tired and sore
audience yelling
ENCORE! ENCORE!

Graceful bow
Curtains close
All go home
except
A Ballerina

Arched feet
Slender legs
Perfect posture
Softly rounded arms
Long elegant neck
Sleek face
tired and sore
Dancing alone
All for the beauty of
Dance

Alone 2

2004-07-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

Once again I sit alone.
Uneasy about the past night
Knowing exactly the source of my fright.
I came, that night, with confidence
and joy,
hoping mayby to find a real boy.
I left alone, disappointed
and conflicted.
As my ass wasn't big enough
and my shirt wasn't just right.
Compared to the other girls,
I lacked everything, even height.
True, my body isn't perfect
no body is
No one would dance with me,
I seemed to be invisible in everyone
else's sight.
So it makes me think my breast
are too big, I can't see my toes
I don't know how to dance, not even like a hoe.
And I talk too soft and low.

Alone

2004-07-12T22:38:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting all alone and no one seems to care.
Its okay though,
it gives me a chance to stare.
To stare into their lives and see how they live.
One group seems to compete with the other
and sound comes from all direntions.
Talking and smaking between words
drimsticks rattling on the table.
Loud and quiet, quiet and loud.
Beats being pounded out on the table
Rhyms flowing in and out the cadence.
Laughing and yelling.

Untitled

2004-07-11T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'm scared of loving you
I'm scared of being left and,
of looking like a fool.
I'm afraid your love will die.
I'm afraid that you'll be just like the other guys.
I feel vunerable...
I feel confused
I feel horrible,
I don't want you to feel used.
All I know is that to my heart I want to be true.
And my heart is pulling me,
Leading me...
to you.

Untitled

2004-07-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

All night I lay and wait for sleep to come.
I wait for my mind and body to become numb.
I close my eyes and calculate a large sum.
Then say a prayer for the city bum.
Trying not to forget the local slum.
I try to remember just how many is "some"
Soon I grow bored and start to hum.
While thinking of something to eat.
YUM!
Wishing I had taken more tums.
Wanting to fall asleep before the sun.
Then wondering what it would be liketo be a nun.
What will it feel like to know,he is the one.
Then I feel a dream coming on...And say,
"Well, this should be fun!"

Can't Help It

2004-07-09T22:26:00.000-07:00

There is not a whole lot I can say to not hurt his pride.
At the same time I can not hide what I feel inside.
I see him as a brother, a friend.
But there is nothing farther than that,that is where it ends.

My affection and love is only what is listed above.
As a mother would see her child.
Not as two teenagers gone wild.
That's how I feel, I'm sorry but he'll just have to deal.

Don't Know

2004-07-08T22:25:00.000-07:00

I cannot think of what I should write.

I don't know how to say what I feel inside.

I know its deep, profound and meaningful.

I just can't get the words to come out.

Geisha

2004-07-07T22:24:00.000-07:00

A master at her arts of teasing...
and pleasing.
She loves without loving;
Waiting to be called to become themysterious consort again.
Learning to gain her pleasure through others.
the unattached concubine masking her
emotions to say what the other needs to hear.
Controlling the circumstance with submission.
sending the bodies she touches into sweet convulsions.
Pleasing the mind as well as the body.
Provoking profound thoughts with simple words.
Providing a ear to listen,
not just the lips to whisper into one.
Gracefully, fluidly dancing
to distract one from his troubles.
Singing smooth melodies,
the notes linger in the air like her
enticing fragrance.

Me

2004-07-06T22:23:00.000-07:00

I left my wife and kids today.
They could not make me stay.
I didn't like the way we lived...
What they said...
What they did.

I was abandoned by my husband today.
I would have done anything to make him stay.
I tried to make him happy.
Apart of me is dying.
I'm trying to keep from crying.
(for my kid's sake)

I saw my Dad walk away today.
No one knows when he will come back to stay.
What did we do to make him go away?
I thought we were a family.
Its all so confusing...
I think my heart is bruising.

Missing You

2004-07-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

I'm missing you and how you feel.
Laying here wishing your touch was real. . .
Remembering the cadence of your heartbeat and breath. . .
Feeling the tingle of your caress.

I'm missing you and your big bright smile.
The way your lips move when we sit and talk for awhile. . .
Your soft, gentle kisses and your sensous style.

I'm missing you and your brown eyes.
Eyes that send me reeling through the skies.T
he way they peer into my soul and give it rise.

Oh Lord Who Am I

2004-07-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

I am the child who trusted you so.
I am the girl that where you led I would go.
I am the one who stumbled and fell.
I am the one who is deathly scared of hell.
I am the person who longed to be closeto you like Eve.
I am the sould that was so easily decieved.
I am the heart that misses you so.
I am the child pleading for you not to go.
I am the person who knows all my sins.
I am the girl who wants them all to end.
I am the sould who doesn't know which way to run.
I am the heart that hates to be shunned.

Our Eyes

2004-07-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

The gateway to our purest essence.
An open portal to our soul.
The place where all feelings are held.
Hopes and desires, love and hurt.
A picture frame of our deepest selves.
The capturing feature of our inner mystery.
Two enticing, compeling orbs of passion.
They communicate silenty.
Longing...
Wanting to be held in the gaze of another.
To peer into another's heart.
To see the essence of love.
Our, eyes...
Our, eyes.

Scare Scars

2004-07-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

Scared and Scared am I.

Scared of the scars so these scars leave me scared.

And Im sorry I can not see the reason why...

So scared of the scars am I.

Kitchen

2004-07-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

The Kitchen is my home.
It's where I cook with all my love.
Baking, Roasting, Sauteing, Toasting.

The Kitchen is my home.
It's where joy pours out of my stove.
Bubbles of laughter and lilting songs.

The Kitchen is my home.
It's where my husband finds an island cove.
A retreat from stress and a loving caress.

The Kitchen is my home.
It's where I cook with all my love.